To cheers of supporters gathered in her new office suite, sporting a $122,000 Bill Blass desk as the centerpiece of her multi-million dollar remodeling project, Madame Speaker Waters announced:
“I am pleased to let you all know that there is a wide range of party sponsorship of my bill to give everyone living anywhere on the planet everything they want for the rest of their lives absolutely free.”
“The legislation will add only $355 trillion to annual federal spending.”
“Imagine waking up in the morning in the lap of luxury of your mansion, winning the mega lottery every day. That’s what everyone on the planet wants, and that’s what everyone on the planet deserves so long as they vote for us. For far too long, people were expected to have to work for a living, to provide for themselves by the sweat of their brows, to sacrifice the present for a better future. We’ll I’m here to tell you that those days are over. No more need to do anything but relax at home, go out for dinner whenever you want, and travel from resort to resort in first class accommodations forever, all at government expense.”
The crowd booed and gasped in horror as the lone Republican hold-out in the room, a reporter from Breitbart-Pravda queried how her legislation was going to be paid for.
“We don’t know and we don’t care. Maybe it will be a tax on Republican billionaires, whose ill-gotten gains came from Russian investments.”
