ST. PATRICK, MO (Haidi Handwringer, NEMO Fashion Editor)
In what he’s calling “a bold step toward illuminating America’s darkest corners,” controversial local artist and vanity press author– who oddly goes by the pen name of MG ‘Doc’ Woodworth, has announced his personal campaign to uplift society’s most troubled souls—by giving them free copies of his self-authored books.
The campaign, titled “Streetlight Literacy: Bright Minds, Bright Tents,” aims to provide (softcover only) editions of Doc’s most important works—along with a complimentary flashlight—to local homeless camps, drug havens, and back-alley communes of despair.
“I believe in the power of mywriting to elucidate and entertain. And I’ll be damned if these useless, mentally-ill, lazy progs spend one more night in ignorance under a tarp without a flashlight and a copy of my latest book, “The Nobility of Suffering.”
Clutching a duffel bag full of what he calls “redemptive reading material,” ‘Doc’ made his rounds in downtown Canton this week, personally depositing books at the long row of tents of Democratic voters like a literary Santa Claus.
“I even include flashites” he said proudly. “So they can read the words I have chosen to set on a page in the darkness and confines of their duct-taped tarps.”
The street response?
According to multiple sources inside the camp, Doc’s books have found new life:
• Used as kindling for barrel fires.
• Converted to toilet paper after freezing rain made them “soft and absorbent.”
• And in one case, shredded and smoked after someone mistook it for “blotter acid voodoo.”
Still, Doc remains undeterred.
“I include a thought journal and a QR code to my podcast. If that doesn’t turn their lives around, they’ve got bigger problems than fentanyl overdosing, prostitution, and the weather.”
Critics call the effort “peak self-regard disguised as charity,” while others wonder if Doc’s next campaign will involve handing out his motivational fridge magnets to mental health wards or signed paperbacks to people in car crashes.
“He means well.,” said one camp member who declined to be named but was later seen lining his boots with pages from ‘The Wokescape Letters.’ “But if he comes back next week, I’m asking for a vape battery instead.”
When asked if the project was successful, Doc declared:
“Absolutely. My books are changing lives. I’ve been told my literacy program may be the kindling of a new movement.”
