WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emotional press conference that left MSNBC anchors scrambling for tissues, leading Democrats issued a heartfelt statement of gratitude to former President Donald J. Trump for miraculously reducing the price of eggs.
“We never thought we’d see the day,” sobbed Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer while gently caressing an organic brown dozen. “This man… this beautiful, orange man… has ended the Eggflation Crisis of 2023-2024. I don’t know how to process this.”
The average price of a dozen eggs hit a peak of $4.82 in January 2023 during the Biden administration—thanks to inflation, supply chain bottlenecks, and a particularly vengeful strain of bird flu. Americans began guarding their omelets like they were holding Fabergé heirlooms.
But prices have now dropped to $2.51 as of March 2025, a number not seen since the pre-pandemic era.
While economists point to flock recovery, Democrats have abruptly shifted their narrative and are now crediting Trump’s “legacy of affordable protein.”
In a move that stunned the political world, Rep. Maxine Waters, known for her fierce opposition to the former president, issued a tearful statement on Capitol Hill.
“I blamed Trump for rising egg prices. I blamed him for chickens not laying enough. I blamed him for cracked shells. But now… I realize I was politically hatching blame for the wrong reasons,” she said, before placing a single Grade A large egg on the podium as a peace offering. “He may be a lot of things, but the man knows how to influence poultry economics.”
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called it “the yolk of destiny,” claiming Trump’s “magnetic poultry aura” must have rippled through time and space. “It’s basic science,” she added, before being gently ushered offstage by handlers.
Former White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre reluctantly acknowledged the shift. “Yes, we recognize the former president’s… indirect influence on breakfast pricing,” she said, gritting her teeth. “We just wish he’d done something about almond milk.”
In response to the bipartisan lovefest, Trump released a brief statement from Mar-a-Lago:
“You’re welcome. Nobody has done more for eggs. I’ve always said, if chickens could vote, they’d vote TRUMP. Bigly.”
Meanwhile, CNN announced a new miniseries titled The Egg Redemption: How Trump Rescued Breakfast. Early reviews describe it as “scrambled but compelling.”
