FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
St. Paddy Sentinel The Official Voice of South Suburban St. Patrick, Missouri (Population: 24… on a good day)
MG DOC WOODWORTH NAMED ST. PATRICK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR
Local Literary Titan Receives Prestigious Trophy in Historic News Conference on Shrine Steps
ST. PATRICK, MO — In a ceremony that nearly doubled the town’s population, the St. Patrick Times today proudly announces that local author MG “Doc” Woodworth has been named its inaugural Best-Selling Author.
The announcement was made this morning on the stone steps of the historic Shrine of St. Patrick, the Celtic-inspired landmark modeled after the Church of the Four Masters in Donegal, Ireland. A capacity crowd (estimated at somewhere between “most of the post office regulars” and “everyone who could find a parking spot next to the Irish Gift Shop”) gathered to witness the moment.
Doc Woodworth, beaming in his trademark T shirt, hoisted a gleaming, oversized gold trophy above his head as the assembled throng of roughly a half-dozen residents, three reporters (one of whom also runs the conveneience shop), and two visiting dogs erupted in applause.
“This is a proud day for South Suburban St. Patrick,” declared the Sentinel editor-in-chief from a makeshift podium fashioned from a hay bale. “When an author from a town of twenty-four can claim Best-Seller status, it proves once and for all that literary greatness knows no ZIP code… or traffic light.”
Woodworth’s body of work — including his Christian sci-fi novel The Shadow Pact, the ongoing assorted metaphysical musings — has reportedly sold “a fraction of the number of people in the village, if you count the ones still sitting in the back of his truck.”
The trophy, specially commissioned for the occasion, is inscribed: “St. Patrick Times Best-Selling Author – 2026”
The Shrine of St. Patrick, with its distinctive round Irish bell tower, rose window, and semi-circular recessed doorways, provided the perfect backdrop for the historic photo opportunity. Local residents noted it was the biggest media event since the last time the post office ran out of shamrock stamps.
When asked for comment, Doc Woodworth simply raised the trophy higher and grinned. The crowd (and the cows) cheered louder.
For further information, or to request a signed copy of any of Doc’s works (only $9.95), contact the St. Patrick Sentinel newsroom during regular hours.
