NASA Announces Plan to Ban Deadly Assault Weapons From All Future Space Craft
NASA Administrator Maxine Waters held a press conference this afternoon regarding 10,000 pages of new protocols that
NASA would employ in all future space flights.
“NASA’s chief mission is to explore the universe while promoting common sense gun control,” she announced. “Today, I formally declare that we will never permit evil assault weapons to pass through the firmament and go beyond earth’s atmosphere.”
“This policy is for all the children of earth,” said Mrs Waters “Today we have over 500 billion dangerous implements of war within our nation’s borders grasped in the bloody fists of Republican voters. We simply can’t tolerate spreading these ghastly firearms, some, like revolvers that can spray a hail of UN-banned hollow point dummy rounds into the brains of innocent toddlers, into the peaceful confines of the heavens. Toward that end, I have decided that we shall never send an AR-15 on a Saturn V ever again!”
In other protocols, she swore that the US, along with its companion European Union space program, “are committed to a long-term, multi-trillion dollar plan funded by a tax on filthy rich Republican party donors, that will go out beyond the boundaries of our solar system in pursuit of the Pioneer spacecraft and replace its engraved plaque. The plaque was designed by 1970s era scientists that may have ignorantly informed aliens that we had only two genders and used inappropriate cisgendered pronouns when describing earth personhood.”
“For far too long, rockets have resembled giant phallic symbols. Robert Goddard’s era may have clung to such unwholesome design, she said, but we are going to explore other, less repulsive shops of rockets, such as neutral or feminine designs. “I can see a transgendered [propulsion system shaped like a reconstructed sex gland.
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
