Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Announces Bold Plan to Create a “Safe Language.”
(DNC/CNN/HRC/MSNBC/ABC/CBS/NBC/GOOGLE/WAPO/NYT/SOROS/FB/TWITTER Consortium Press Release)
In a press conference held earlier today in her new, exotic apartment in posh West side Washington, DC, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez announced her brilliant game-changing plan to replace every word we think with, use, say, or write.
Sounds ambitious? Well it is, and long over due according to this reporter, a graduate of Oberlin College School of Social Justice Journalism.
Ocasio-Cortez continued:
“For far too long our innocent, indigenous children have been subjected to words celebrating colonial, patriarchic, male-dominated, non-eco friendly, non-sustainable, homophobic, cisgender, misogynistic, and hurtful ideas. “
“Words, which are combinations of consonants and vowels, are fundamentally important to our plan of spending $50-100 trillion to transform the evil American society that was founded on human slavery, lynchings, and the greedy, mass murder of capitalism.”
“We use words to think with inside our brains, so we have to start with that.”
After much applause from the press, she continued, “Each person will not only have a chosen pronoun free of the taint of western civilization, but also a chosen verb, adjective, adverb, verb, noun and particle of speech.
“In fact,” the beauteous and brilliant Princess of Change continued, “we have created an entire new language of approved words that have passed rigorous tests to ensure that none of it is tainted with colonial, patriarchic, male-dominated, non-sustainable, homophobic, non-cisgender, misogynistic, and trans hurtful words or concepts.”
Premier Reprsentative Ocasio-Cortez paused for a moment to mark the importance of the occasion.
“I have even changed the name given to me by my sadly culturally-embedded parents to “Omari Xing Gultrop” starting, she beamed, right now! My noun is ‘alaquat’ and my preferred particle is ‘gik’ “
“I now introduce you to myself, ‘Omari Xing Gultrop.’ “
After a standing ovation from the throng of Social Democratic reporters of CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times, and others, Gultrop continued enthusiastically.
“Our experts at the Southern Poverty Law Center in consultation with brilliant social change artist George Soros, and grammar genius Maxine Waters, created a new, Ebonic-based based, artificial language that everyone must use starting in three months.”
“Think about it, our language is “English”… Named after the very people that started the enslavement of indigenous peoples around the planet. Britain, itself the virus of western civilization, must no longer be used to think with or to conduct social dialogue.”
We will begin to instruct pre-k children in one month, with a national roll-out funded by The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to whom we are grateful, as well as a special ‘cultural endangerment extraction tax’ from filthy rich billionaires like the despicable Koch brothers. Soon we will require anyone that wishes health care, to vote, or conduct business will be required federal certification of their use of our new ‘Safe Language.’
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
