Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the Center for Disease Control (“CDC”), announced today that the US government is seeking emergency procurement proposals from the world’s most important pharmaceutical companies to find a satisfactory replacement for Trump Derangement Syndrome (“TDS”)
The expected research and vaccine development, testing, and distribution are expected to cost over $400 billion.
Said Dr. Fauci, “This is a small price to pay for our nation’s environmental and social justice as well as public mental health. TDS, while devastating to its victim’s mental and physical health and social well -being, has proved quite useful from our nation’s public policy viewpoint.”
“TDS has been such a wonderful asset to both the Democratic Party and our Deep State Overlords, beamed Dr. Fauci. “While TDS proved to be a remarkably useful policy tool for four years, it’s long run therapeutic benefit will surely present diminishing marginal returns. While even now, months after TDS helped force Trump out of office, millions are still affected, but, without a satisfactory replacement, we must face the devastating truth that our efficacy to hinder free and careful thought will slip away.”
“We are calling for a Manhattan Project level commitment from America’s pharmaceutical industry to rapidly respond to this public health emergency. Parenthetically, for those of us who attended blue state public schools or Ivy League colleges, I’ve been informed the term ‘Manhattan Project’ refers to the vast resources the US government secretly spent on inventing the first nuclear weapons during World War Two.”
“For the past four years tens of millions of ‘Ameri-Karens,’ as well as unknown millions across the globe, have been able to serve as useful idiots– ‘sheeple’ is the word most often used in the peer-reviewed literature, by the promotion of TDS and the consistent application of Edward Bernays’ social engineering principles.”
TDS, now listed in the Clinical Handbook of Psychological Disorders, Sixth Edition, is an induced psychological disorder in which an individual’s narcissism is remarkably exacerbated with positive social stimulus on the pleasure center of their brain. The condition uniquely stunts both the high order logic and rational centers of the mind while overstimulating the animal, emotional centers.
“Those afflicted constantly mutter phrases such as ‘Orange Man Bad’ and ‘Small hand man’ in obvious symbolic referents to Mr. Trump, who is always referred to in the most pejorative of terms, such as monster, Nazi, Hitler, and Stalin. Severe behavioral reactions, including the sudden ‘unfriending’ of long term friends and even family on Facebook, frantic displays of hatred toward those viewed walking down the street wearing red hats, street violence, and even one assassination attempt on a Republican Congressman have been noted as being caused by TDS. It has served us well.”
TDS provided D list Hollywood actors such as Alyssa Milano and Rob Reiner proved to be particularly susceptible to the disease, when typically combined with alcohol and or street drugs, leading to memorable Twitter rants which were very helpful to shore up the thinking in Democratic Party sponsored echo chambers.
“While we welcomed the political utility of TDS to spin every news cycle to the benefit of such mental giants as Maxine Waters, and to motivate our poorly educated base, now that Trump has left the Oval Office, a replacement must be discovered as soon as possible. “
“Without TDS, managing public perception while we attempt to change the world with our hallowed Great Reset and our beloved New Green Deal, would be quite frankly like herding cats. Everyone would be free to think for themselves, apply logic to social ills, and perhaps seek to place blame for the forthcoming economic devastation elsewhere than former President Trump, which would lead to uninvited scrutiny of Biden-Harris Administration policies.”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
