Official White House Reporter Pool Announces Plan to Form Democratic Party Marching Band and Bugle Corps
MSNBC Celebrity News Sycophant/White House Correspondent Tazeen Ahmad announced today that the ‘entire contingent of best and brightest, hard-hitting, and socially responsible’ reporters will soon form a band dedicated to entertaining the ‘news-o-sphere’ at important public events.
Ahmad, surrounded by other pool reporters, all sporting their ‘Blue State’ uniforms (see press photo, attached), said, “For decades we reporters were manacled by old-fashioned notions of ‘objectivity,’ “Fourth Estate,’ and “Speaking Truth to Power.” But in a world where poor, immigrant children are slaughtered at notional borders for the sake of Republican Fourth Reich Terror, at a time when a Hitler-cloned Spawn of Satan roosts in his Oval Office lair, when innocent Democrats are hunted down and shot like wild hogs in the streets of our great urban ghettos, how can we not do all we can to promote the Democratic Party’s long-thwarted dreams of love and peace for all mankind?”
Fighting angry tears shed upon the microphone, Ahmad continued, “So last night we gathered for drinks at Lounge 201 and brainstormed all evening with our good friends and news sources, such as National Security Advisor Clapper and former CIA director Brennan about what sacrifices we could make to honor and share our love of the Democratic Party Socialist ideals.” I think brilliant newcomer and activist David Hogg suggested that we form a band, and that we could “Rock the USA” with patriotic songs written by Berkeley and Harvard non-cisgendered Heroes of the #Resistance. The idea evolved, and voila, we all agreed to form an official marching band and bugle corps. Georgie Soros said he would even pay for the uniforms!”
Ahmed gushed, “I know it sounds crazy, but imagine how we can support all the Democratic Party memes during the forthcoming mid term election! We can lockstep down the streets in support of the #NeverTrumps, sashay at #Hillary rallies, musically support #Sanders, and most importantly, entertain as well as report our opinion of the news!”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
