Democratic Party Leaders Announce Common Sense Plan to Ban Republicans From Owning Hollow Tubes That Go Bang
CNN reported earlier today that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer, joined at the podium with a Che Guevara celebrity lookalike deaf interpreter, to promote their plan to ban registered Republicans from owning hollow tubes that would permit a roundish object from moving down the path of such a tube at the intentional movement of a Republican finger.
The Honorable and Divine Nancy Pelosi said, “Billions of American children face the horror each morning of waking up in households of Republican voters that own mysterious hollow tubes that have a round ball like thing in them that moves at a high rate of speed when an evil Republican callously moves his finger a certain way. Did I mention they go bang?”
People’s Hero Schumer, crying bitter tears at the plight of children, added, “All these poor, poor kids want to do is go to school, play with their friends, and walk down the street without fear that a Republican is going to cowardly sneak up behind them and use these tube like devices to slaughter them. It is only common sense that we stop Republicans from having these hollow tube devices.”
Pelosi continued, her eyes shining with tears of sorrow at all the potential victims of Republican murder, “If only one child is saved from the horror of Republican Hollow Tubes, well I think its worth even killing Republican voters that would prevent us from taking their hollow tubes which are nowhere mentioned in the Constitution, or whatever hollow word you want to call the questionable notions of a bunch of old white men from a galaxy far, far away.”
CNN White House Emeritus reporter Jim Acosta lived up to his name and accosted the enthusiastic reporter/fans to rounds of cheering. “No More Hollow Tubes! No More Hollow Tubes!”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
