JB Pritzker, governor-elect of Madiganistan Announces Plan to Use Fitbit Step Counters to Tax People’s Use of Sidewalks
Billionaire heir JB Pritzker announced today that his plan to ‘fix’ the sad state of Madiganistan’s financial affairs, brought on by decades of wasteful Republican spending in the blood-sucking counties outside of Chicago, announced a novel plan to ‘tax every step you take.
Pritzker, an advocate of the little people that need him to wisely spend their money so that Democratic party connected lobbyists can afford to retire after working for five years said, “Our initial plan to affix odometers on cars to charge everyone who drives in Illinois a small $2.50 per mile service charge that will fix our gambling industry and fight discrimination of undocumented Illinois workers.”
“But why stop there? Everyone is wearing step counters, such as Fitbit or Apple watches that track their steps. Each step, whether from your bathroom to the kitchen, or along the sidewalk can go toward the pensions accumulated in the construction such important tourists attractions as the Obama Library. At 10 cents a step, we expect that we can pay the estimated $450 million it will take to invest in the pensions of the government servants that will oversee vital money laundering and political pandering projects that Chicago is famous for.”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
