In an interview conducted earlier this morning at the tax-payer funded Obama Lair in an undisclosed, yet fashionable WDC gated community, former president Barrack Obama advised Americans to ‘calm down’ about decades-old rumors about the alleged sexually aggressive activities of USSC nominee Brett Kavenaugh. “These rumors are unsubstantiated allegations,” said Obama, “like when I smoked weed back while pretending to teach law school. No one cared about that! Shit man. “I’ve done far worse than Brett would even think about.”
Obama continued, “Former Democratic Rep. Fred Richmondormer solicited sex with a 16 year old girl, pled guilty to tax evasion and selling drugs, speaking through a cloud of dank smoke that hovered over the pool table in Obama’s basement said, “No one does sex scandals like Democrats. No. One. Our side has cost the tax payers 80 percent of their funds set aside to hide our sex scandals. Winning!”
“Let’s just say ‘Ted Kennedy.’ Or Bill Clinton. Shoot man, he had sex with an intern in the Oval Office.”
“Then there’s Rep. Gus Savage. The Illinois Democrat accused of fondling a Peace Corps volunteer in 1989 while on a trip to Africa. The House Ethics Committee decided against disciplinary action in 1990.”
“One of the stories that no one cares about unless its a Republican running for something is former Sen. Brock Adams. He was convicted of 12 counts of sexual assault with a 16-year-old.”
“And President Bill Clinton pardoned him before leaving office. True Story.”
“So man, people just need to chill.”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
