Democratic National Committee Hosts Strategy Session To Create ‘Fresh, New, and Exciting’ Hate Attacks Against Trump
Democratic Party leaders, party pundits, billionaires, news media and entertainment personalities, and experts in a wide number of feminist studies gathered together this past weekend in an emergency session to discuss the most important policy challenge facing the Democratic Party in 2018.
The session was called, “How to Gain Traction Trashing Trump.”
Key note speaker, Maxine Waters told the hushed, non-triggered audience of snow flakes in the official safe zone, “Let’s face it, . . . you can only compare Trump to Hitler or Satan so many times.”
DNC Chair Tom Perez, a Roman Catholic that has not yet been excommunicated for supporting abortion agreed, “We do have a big problem. We Democrats, our beautiful and supportive Hollywood stars, and 90 percent of the news media been firing consistent insults, hatred and displays of angst towards that tiny handed, orange complected, large-headed Trumpf and the cult of deranged despicable evangelicals that support him, non-stop for 3 years. And it just isn’t working so well anymore. We need new memes filled with vile hatred to spew against Trump and his ilk.”
Celebrity Native American Cultural Appropriator Elizabeth Warren agreed. “Whether its the Emmys, the Tonys, or Oscars, White House Visits, or even NFL football, we manage to destroy Trump and his supporters with every obscene gesture and word we can think of. We have late night covered with our people who will trash everything Trump says or does a hundred times per night. We got 90-95 percent of the news and opinion shows with our people, who, I promise you, will find nothing good to say about Trump even if he cured cancer or saved the world from nuclear war. If he-who- can-not-be-named is for it, we’re against it. Even for stuff we always used to support. Sensitive, eco-friendly, and accomplished actor Robert De Niro can tell Trump to “Fuck Off,” only so many times before the powder gets wet, you know?”
“Our progressive supporters are not looking for world peace, good jobs, or better opportunities for their kids. Trumpf and his band of Satanist thugs are doing that. Our supporters just want us to spew hate. Its what we do. And that’s pretty much all we have, apart from transvestite bathroom sharing and MS-13 divine sparks, so we have to take the level of insulting diatribes to the max.”
Bill Clinton spoke to the cheering standing room only crowd, “Unfortunately, we can’t compare Trumpf to Mao, Marx, Lenin, rapists or pedophiles, because they are our party heroes and constituents. So we’ve got scholars checking into evil icons from historical and foreign language sources. So far, we can’t seem to get any uglier than Fascist, Nazi, Death Camps, Hitler, Racist, Misogynist, Homophobic, xenophobic, Satan, you know, shit like that. People have heard it all so many times they’re beginning to tune us out. And we have mid term elections coming up, so we need a whole new era of over-the-top curses 2.0. I’m sure the clever people in this room will come up with what we need.”
Celebrity Guest Samual L. Jackson provided an historic look at the problem. “Historically, we in the Left have been at the top of the hatred spewing game. For example, we shouted “Baby killers” at returning soldiers during the Vietnam war. Last election we went with “Deplorables,” “Bible thumpers,” “Bitter Clingers to guns and Bible.” Catchy, I admit, but perhaps over used. We need some fresh angst to hurl at the Orange King and his evil cultish horde.”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
