In a heart-felt, tear-filled press conference earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Obama Administration Vice President Joe Biden bravely stood beside his son Hunter Biden to announce that they have changed Hunter Biden’s middle name.
“Quite frankly, I don’t know what my wife was thinking back then,” said VP Biden, “My wife, Neilia’s maiden name is Hunter, which she also deeply regrets, I might add. So that is where the error began, I recall. I remember thinking I would like to name him ‘Gaia’ to reflect our family’s long-standing concern for Republican-caused environmental warfare.” He added, Hunter, the name he went by was actually his middle name, thank goodness, his first name being ‘Robert,’ a name that to the best of our knowledge does not reflect any negative misogynistic, homophobic, racist, patriarchic, or colonial overtones.”
“The man standing beside me, the person formerly known as ‘Hunter’ is now ‘Hunted’ Biden to reflect that he is both a victim of Trump’s latest vicious attack on my poor, innocent son and to express our heart-felt sorrow to all those who are victims of armed, Republican police violence in our nation’s Democratic Party ghetto base.”
For his part, the man now known as Robert Hunted Biden, his face flushed with embarrassment at having been given a such a despicable proper noun, said, “For my entire life I have been ashamed of my name in that it celebrates colonial, patriarchic gun violence, the sort of socially unacceptable behavior that despicable Republicans engage in on a daily basis as they gleefully mow down innocent creatures with their AR-15 weapons of mass destruction filled with automatic clips of eco-disastrous, poison lead shells.”
Doc Woodworth
Ph.D Saint Louis University (Public Policy Analysis)
JD Saint Louis University (Journal Editor)
MBA Central Michigan University (Organizational Behavior)
BA Illinois College (Sociology)
